off to play in the snow

For several years now, the girls and I have had headed up to the mountains to play for a few days just after Christmas.  We’ve gone to the Sleeping Lady Mountain Retreat, just outside Leavenworth.  We missed doing this last year, with everything else going on, but wanted to strike up this little tradition again.

 

There are many things we enjoy about this time.  It’s good time together, it’s fun to play in the snow, and there are usually lots of other kids around for mine to make friends with. 

This year was a bit different.  KK is 12 now, and wanting to spend more time with friends.  Another complicating factor is that she’s living with Celiac Disease, so needs to remain gluten-free.  I’d spoken with the chef ahead of time and ascertained that the Sleeping Lady would offer a number of gluten-free options at each meal.  What I didn’t nail down was whether my 12 year old would want to eat them or not.  Generally speaking, the food is very good – but pre-teens might be more fond of mac and cheese with rice noodles than they would be of stuffed portabello mushrooms.  Oh well.

There wasn’t very much snow this year.  We opted not to cross-country ski on the icy layer that was there.  R and I did go snowshoeing a bit, and had fun doing that.  We also went into town and enjoyed the sledding hill for a while.  Very icy, but fun.  I’m sorry I didn’t get a picture of the trains that the kids formed to slide down the icy lane on one side of the hill.

We met a nice family who lives near us – good company all around.  R played Clue with their kids, while I got to visit with the parents and exchange stories. 

Observing some of the changes this year tells me that I’m not sure how much longer we’ll do this.  That makes me feel a bit sad – but the answer is to enjoy it while we can.  Good advice in general, right ?

harborview visit reflections

We did another visit to the Neuro ICU last night.  This time, my parents joined my brother Matthew and I.  We wanted to catch the folks on the night shift (7pm-7am), and weren’t able to do this the other evening.

 

Another good visit.  We got to connect with several of the nurses who spent lots of time with me those first days.  One had apparently booted my family out of the room once.  Apparently I appeared to be straining ("storming" was the term used) to participate as well – which was difficult for me while in the coma.  She was direct, very clear about the reasoning (I needed to rest), and polite.  I’d heard the story before, illustrating how well the folks in the ICU looked after me.

I also learned that I was named "Gusto" in the ICU – something I’d not heard before.  Before I had too much of a chance to flatter myself into thinking that this name had anything to do with me personally, my mom told me that was owing to me being the seventh unidentified patient of the day on July 1st – aka "Patient G".  The process of identifying me was a bit interesting – you can read about it here if interested.

It was a privilege to get to meet them, and to offer my gratitude for a job well done.  I brought along another copy of my letter as well as some additional pictures from recovery, showing them the changes apparent from first few days in the ICU, pre-cranioplasty, and then at home.

Part of the reason I wanted to make these visits is that connecting with these people helps me work through the gradual emotional healing.  It helps me to speak to them, and also forces lots of things into perspective for me too.

Another amazing set of conversations for me.  And lots to be thankful for.

added photo on 12/31

visiting some old friends at the harborview neuro icu

The evening, my brother and I visited some old friends at the Harborview Hospital Neuro ICU.  The experience was amazing.  It’s difficult to convey what it means to me in words alone, but I’ll try.

I’d been wanting to do this for a while.  With my brother in town for the holidays, it seemed a nice opportunity to pay a visit to the fine folks who played such instrumental roles in saving my life, and giving me the care which made my recovery possible.  In addition to getting to experience the visit with him, he has the advantage of being able to remember the people in the ICU much better than I can – my memory of the days immediately following the accident is a bit hazy.

We’ve all heard that hospitals get hit hard during the holidays.  There are too many accidents on the road.  The people who work in hospitals experience people’s heartache every day.  That’s a lot to carry.  The folks at Harborview, particularly in the ER and ICU were amazing to me and to my family and friends during my stay there.  They offered excellent medical care, treated me with dignity, and afforded great support and guidance to those who were there with me as well.

room 266, my old stomping grounds

I wrote a letter to them ahead of time, to bring along with the gift basket we’d gotten for them.  Based on my experience in visiting the Harborview NICU back in April, it felt as though leaving some kind words for them to post for others there would be helpful to them.  I included some pictures, thinking that seeing the people they helped the most would be nice.  You can read the letter here.  The words come from my heart, and the pictures reflect the good fortune I’ve experienced in recovery. 

Eighteen months ago, it wasn’t clear that I’d have been able to be an active person, and an engaged parent.  I think about this every day when I wake up.

We went over in the early evening, the day after Christmas, arriving in the NICU around 5.  I was floored when the woman we approached at the desk said to my brother – "I recognize you".  She remembered what had happened to me (bike accident), a number of family members and friends, and even remembered my room number.  Several other folks came by who also remembered us.  One of the doctors who had cared me for was there, and remembered my father as "the lion of the family".  Amazing.

I was able to stammer out some thanks (between some tears) and exchange handshakes and hugs all around. 

These fine folks almost never get to see what their good work means to the people they care for.  Being a trauma center, many of their patients don’t make it.  Many that do make it live a good distance away, and can’t easily get back.  The holidays are a great time to express thanks.  And in addition to potentially giving the Harborview folks a chance to see what positive impact they have on people like us, doing this definitely helps me put what happened into perspective.

I will remember this day for as long as I can remember anything.  What an incredible experience to be able to say "thanks for everything", and to literally mean "everything".

updated a bit more on 12/27.

another trip around the sun

Today I celebrated the end of my 45th trip around the sun.  As I’ve tried to do for the past several years, I started the day by running up Mount Si, a 3800′ peak in the Cascade foothills, about 40 minutes east of where we live.  This year I was fortunate enough to be joined by my friends Sue, Tony, and Bob.  This is the first time I’ve had company going up the mountain, and it was easily the most fun. 

We started out at about 8:30 in the morning, with the temperature a chilly 30 degrees.  On the drive out to the trailhead, I came out from under a blanket of fog to see a beautiful blue sky.  We got ready, then headed out a few minutes after arriving.  The trail up was nice and even, helped by the dry weather (little erosion).  We took some walk breaks on the way up, but kept a reasonable heart rate most of the way.  The trail goes steadily uphill, with few level breaks.

We clicked off the first mile in just under twenty minutes.  This is a bit of an adjustment.  When you’re running uphill, ordinary pace goes out the window.  Having company really helped here – how can you help but stay positive as you climb when you’ve got good friends to talk with ?

By the time we reached the 3.5 mile mark, we were running mostly in snow.  There were some very slippery spots, but on the whole, the trail conditions remained pretty good.  It was a bit tricky climbing up past the final stretch of rocks, but we took things slowly and avoided any major falls.

At the top, the view was incredible.  We stayed up there and enjoyed it for about ten or fifteen minutes before things started to feel pretty cold – time to get moving again!  It took about as long to come down as it had to go up, which always feels surprising.  But, the trip down is when your quads really tend to work hard too, so it makes sense to slow down and take things a bit easy.

And then we were done.  Always a treat to start the day like this.  And it was really nice spending the time with friends.

The evening was very nice too.  Kris prepared a wonderful Thai dinner, and we spent the time with my parents and brother (who is up from San Francisco this week). 

Nice day, and a great way to begin another year on earth.  I feel very fortunate indeed.

another chapter of cyclists vs. motorists

Earlier today, I was browsing a bit, and I ran across something a former work colleague wrote in response to a cyclist who apparently ran a red light at a bike path/road intersection in Seattle.

"Hey Bicyclists — I’ll start sharing the road when you start respecting the law. A stop sign is still a stop sign dumbass!"

I had several stages of response to this.  First response was to categorize this guy who I would consider a friend, and whose intellect I respect into the same place as all of the motorists who have no clue about what sharing the road really means.  Second response was to get pissed off when I read the text literally – because he said "I’ll be careful when you are".  Third response was to acknowledge that cyclists don’t uniformly respect traffic laws, and to recognize that my friend’s frustration comes from the fear that he perhaps came close to hitting the cyclist in question.  That’d be a lot to live with.  Knowing the guy who wrote it, I understand that he doesn’t really mean "I’ll be careful when you are".  Then I calmed down a bit.

But given my own frame of reference about the relationship between cyclists and motorists, having a visceral response to this sort of thing isn’t a big surprise to me.

I also expect that my friend is a bit pissed off at being mildly taken to task for what he wrote.  You know though – there’s a way for him to prevent that next time.  It involves taking more than a split second to think about what you’re saying, and the way it might be perceived.  Worse – on the off-chance he’s involved in an accident with a cyclist, this snippet could be cited in court.

Think about this a bit.  You can’t push the burden of judgment off from either side.  Motorists are operating vehicles with the capacity to take and alter lives forever, in the space of seconds.  And with that privilege comes the unconditional responsibility to be totally aware of others on the road.  On the other hand, being completely aware of others on the road matters a whole lot more to the cyclist (given that they’re a lot more vulnerable), so you can’t view stop signs and other traffic laws as optional.

Like it or not, on the road, we depend on everyone to show patience and good judgment.  Makes you think twice about whether you need to be on the road, doesn’t it ?

exercise and anxiety

The other day, I was having a tough time.  My low back was hurting me (muscle spasms).  I’d had a rough meeting at work – lots of contention, not much clarity or resolution.  I had an hour between meetings, but it was pretty cruddy outside.  Motivation was low, and overall frustration was high.

I figured I couldn’t go wrong trying to fit a short, easy run in.  Didn’t set any speed records, but it definitely calmed me down a bunch.  It almost always works like this too.

I was reading an article in the New York Times Magazine a couple of weeks back about this.  The article claims that exercise actually leads to the development of neurons that are "specifically buffered from exposure to a stressful experience".  The subjects in the study "had created, through running, a brain that seemed biochemically, molecularly, calm".

My first response was "didn’t we know this already?".  Well – it’s been suspected that exercise stimulates growth of new brain cells, but it was apparently not yet established how these cells are functionally different from others.  The Princeton study cited in the article lays the basis for understanding these differences.  Another interesting distinction drawn in the article is how exercise might directly affect mood and anxiety.  We’ve taken for granted that exercise "enhances mood", but did not really understand what this means.

When listening to your own body and mind, it’s easy to surmise that exercise is a great mood equalizer.  It’s difficult to tell whether this is due to the psychological effect of choosing to stress your body a bit.  Doing so is bound to shift your mind away from unpleasant thoughts.  The positive effect of taking a challenge on will also elevate your mood.  So – we already have diversionary qualities as well as results from "opting into" challenge as a means to test yourself.

But it’s apparently the case that you’re actively changing the way your brain is physiologically made up as well.

You should check out the article for yourself and draw your own conclusions.  It’s definitely worth a read.

a proud father

One of the lessons I’ve learned as a father is that very little goes strictly according to plan with kids.  As we often conveniently forget as adults, there are twists and turns each day that take things in some unexpected directions.  This can be good, and sometimes not so good, but it’s never dull.

This holiday season, both kids are performing in seasonal productions with local children’s theater companies.  If you asked me whether I could have foreseen their interest in theater, my honest answer would have been no.  But they seem to know their own hearts, and certainly have their own interests, and these things have taken them to the stage.

 

There are a number of things people can be concerned about with respect to the performing arts and kids.  There can be pressure from parents and from theater folks.  It can be a glorified beauty pageant, with all of the negatives associated with those things.

On the other hand, being part of a play can teach you poise and teamwork.  You can hone your creative skills.  And because you wish to do well, you can learn to work hard and devote yourself to something larger than yourself.  I like to think that this is what the kids have done.  Both of them have performed in a number of kids productions and have attended numerous theater camps as well.  I don’t know whether their hearts will remain in the theater, but do appreciate some of the things they’ve learned from doing this.

Best of all it’s mostly fun.  And that’s the most important thing.

2009 seattle marathon report

On November 29th, I completed the Seattle Marathon.  Despite not running according to plan, it was a very good day.  It was great to be out seeing the city.  And it was great to see many friends along the way, both running and volunteering.

Last year at this time, I was recovering from a bicycle accident.  I wasn’t allowed to run yet, but had been determined to participate as I could, by walking the Seattle Half Marathon.  This was my first distance event in recovery, and the experience was phenomenal.

This year I’ve been running marathons with a vengeance, primarily to establish that I was back from my injuries.  Having completing nine of them so far, completing number ten felt important.  And completing it where I’d walked the half last year felt like a another milestone too.

The night before, I laid out my stuff for the race.  As has become my routine, I wore my Eastside Runners shirt, demonstrating my allegiance to the team of people who helped me out so much during recovery.  And I wore my Marathon Maniacs hat for two reasons.  The Maniacs are a nice bunch of folks, and running ten marathons within a calendar year should allow others to question my sanity too.

Heading over to Seattle the morning of the race, I felt more nervous than I’d felt about a race in months.  I wasn’t sure how well prepared I was, and I wasn’t feeling my best overall.  I wasn’t sure how I’d run.  I didn’t really even have tight race plan, other than trying to get in under four hours. 

Kris and I left early, allowing for the lengthy backup heading to the start.  Kris and her friend Shaula were going to watch me go by during the first mile, and then take a good walk before catching the finish.  I got settled in at the start, with enough time to find my happy place, and relax a bit.

The last few minutes before we started seemed to go on a long time.  I tried to stay loose and reminded myself not to think ahead to to the finish. 

Then we were off.  Running that first stretch along 5th, I tried to settle into a nice steady pace.  I inventoried my various aches and pains, and worked to calm myself.  I told myself I was going to be out there for a while, no matter how fast I ran.  Kris and Shaula were positioned just outside of Top Pot Doughnuts, about a half mile into the race, cheering the runners on.

As we ran, I thought about various memories along the route : meeting a friend I’d not seen in nearly thirty years a few weeks ago, going past one of our favorite noodle places in the International District.  As we ran up the ramp to interstate 90, I thought about when Kris and I ran the half back in 2002, and we ran into the snarl of runners as the ramp narrowed.

Running across the city on the freeway is not as satisfying as running through neighborhoods and having people cheer you on.  We stay on the interstate for perhaps five miles, heading through the Mount Baker tunnel, then out and back on the bridge to Mercer Island.  As we got closer to the turnaround, I began to see friends coming back the other way – Richard, May, and Hazel among them, all looking strong.

My splits were a good bit faster than planned.  By now, I was clicking them off at around an 8:10-8:20 pace, and feeling good.  The problem was that I knew that I’d feel it later, and kept telling myself to slow down a bit.  There are some good hills in the late miles, and it definitely pays to leave some reserve in your tank for then.  My usual gauge for how smartly I ran is whether or not I negative split.  My goal is usually to be able to finish faster than I start.  My concern was that I had not set a sustainable pace.

Despite these concerns, I continued to do the brisk miles.  In fact, for the first 19 miles, I ran slightly slower than 8:30 just three times.  The thing is, I’d done very little speed work, very little tempo work, and no mile repeats in the month before this race.  You can’t make up for shortcomings in training on race day.

In any case, I was feeling pretty good heading down Lake Washington Blvd, and around Seward Park as I made it past the halfway point.  The miles felt like they were breezing past.

Things changed a bit as I headed north past interstate 90, and up through Leschi.  The pack had slowed down a bit by then, and we began a slight uphill climb.  This is a nice stretch of the course, past nice shops and houses, but definitely more challenging than before.  As I headed up past miles 15, 16, and 17, I began to slow down a bit. 

By then, I wasn’t feeling as good as I was running.  I had to work harder to be patient, and focus on the moment, rather than thinking too far ahead.  I saw my friends May, Joelle, and Laura on the course, which provided a nice boost (familiar, friendly faces do that), but the inevitable slog had begun.

I allowed myself to walk up the big hill on Galer, and then took it pretty slowly up Madison too.  Mile 21 was my slowest by far, more than a minute off my final average pace.  I went into the Arboretum, and then began the climb up Interlaken, over Capital Hill.

Most of the way up this hill, I came to mile marker 22, where my Eastside Runner friends were attending to an intersection.  I’d volunteered here several years back, and marveled at the elaborate gate system in place to allow buses to continue running, while the runners could also proceed without interruption.  It’s impressive.  And it was really wonderful to see so many friends, many of whom I’d seen last July in the hospital, and then again last November when I walked the half.  I exchanged some high fives, absorbed some great positive energy, and pressed on.

The run through Interlaken Park is my favorite part of the course.  No cars, just trees.  It’s got some slight uphill, but such a lovely stretch that you don’t really mind it.  By the time we made it back to the open roads, I’d reached the point where I was counting the miles, ready to finish. 

Heading down along Boylston and Eastlake, I was fighting the beginnings of a cramp in my left hamstring.  I’d been lucky enough not to have had much of an issue with this before, but began to wonder whether I’d made another mistake by relying only on the Gatorade on the course, rather than consuming the Perpetuem drink I’d brought.  I’d also failed to keep to a regular consumption rate for the carbBoom gels I’d brought.  In addition to running faster than planned, these are more silly mistakes one often pays for in the late miles.  I was using the 3:45 pacer as a motivator now too.  I wanted to finish ahead of her.  She’d clearly run more deliberately than I had, as she seemed to feel well enough to pick things up a bit.

The final mile wasn’t very pretty.  I took a couple of short walk breaks, and had just started to run again as I headed up Mercer near the Memorial Stadium finish.  As I passed the corner of Fifth and Mercer, I heard Kris call out to me and saw her wave as I passed.  Just the final bit of energy I needed!

I was able to pick up the pace a bit heading into the stadium, and finished at a reasonable clip.  The final 1.2 miles was my second slowest split pace of the race, but I’d made it.  My time was 3:44:41, my third fastest marathon finish ever.

I took some time at the finish to appreciate what I’d done.  Ten marathons and ultras in the space of eight months.  That had followed just a three month ramp-up from not running for nearly six months, following the bicycle accident.  Much to be thankful for.  Good fortune, and a great deal of love and support.

I may do another two marathon in the next several months to round things out to an even dozen.  For now though, I’m content to enjoy what this journey has meant to me.

charts and graphs for running geeks

The split chart tells the story.  The trend line is supposed to go the other way, faster as I go farther.  It didn’t work that way, and I really can’t blame the hills late in the course for that.  I didn’t stick to my usual plan (start slow), and paid for it later.  Still very pleased with the overall results.  Now if I developed some focus and discipline, just imagine what that might do.