walk, don’t run

This morning I attended the Saturday run with my Eastside Runner friends.  Of course I walked, rather than ran, but enjoyed myself nonetheless.  It’s all about resetting expectations according to my recovery, rather than where I was on June 30th.  When I do so, my morale is much better than when I don’t.

Anyway, getting to the run was a pain.  Two buses and some guesswork as to where the transfer point was, added some ‘excitement’ to the morning.  I rolled into the South Bellevue Park and Ride where the runners meet right on time though.

As always it was nice greeting everyone.  I always enjoyed this before the accident.  Since then though, greeting has taken on a new meaning.  There are some folks who haven’t seen me since I was in the hospital, and others who saw me on the low point in my recovery, in mid to late August.  Consistently, people complement me on how well I look, and how much my health appears to have improved. 

My reply to complements on my recovery isn’t quite as upbeat now as it was several weeks ago, because I’m more aware now of some of the changes I’ve gone through.  I suspect I’m bit more verbose than people want to listen to, yammering on about mourning and moping.  I definitely feel fortunate about where I am in my recovery, but emotionally I’m processing a lot of changes to myself that don’t all feel very good.

At breakfast this morning I mentioned some of these feelings to a woman I’ve run with several times.  She reflected on her emotions regarding her autistic son.  I heard her say that often she feel very positive about how well he’s doing relative to expectations or possibilities.  But then sometimes she becomes aware of how complicated things are because of the autism.  I heard very similar feelings to mine in her situation.  Call it a combination of perspective and identity.

I ended up walking just under 5k this morning.  I had to push to keep up with my friend Al this morning.  Although nursing some knee pain, his pace was outstanding.  I was barely able to keep up.  His company was great though, so I didn’t want to fall back!  I’ll need  to find a way to increase my distance and try some hills.  That’s the way I need to prepare to go up Mount Si on Christmas Eve.  That’s my primary fitness goal right now after all.

So – "walk, don’t run" is kind of the theme I need to adhere to right now.  It fits with my physical and emotional state.

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